Sunday, June 19, 2005

Fathers Day

Today, i am celebrating the father of my children. He is a wonderful man, dh, provider, lover, and the never ending list goes on and on. i just cant get over how unselfish he is. he works 70 hours a week and never complains once about having to work. how does he do it? lol maybe that its he would rather be at work then to deal with the kids all the time lol. (wouldnt it be interesting to switch places for a week?) he works because he loves his family and he works to provide for us. i know that i would not be able to do what he does.
here is Dh and our kiddos:

in honor of fathers day i will leave you with this LO that i did a few weeks ago. (hehe)

here is the journaling:
I have struggled with something for some time now. I have been battling my feelings about not having a father. I know, things could be worse and my father could have died when I was young, or something tragic like that. But I think knowing that my father is alive and not in my life is worse then him not being on this earth at all, especially when he lives less than an hour away. Knowing that I have been abandoned is the worst feeling in the world. My biological father pretty much abandoned me. He never wanted anything to do with me and I feel like when he was with me he was forced. Of course everything has always been *MY* fault for the way things have turned out. It’s my fault that I never called him, or saw him. And it’s now *MY* fault that he hasn’t seen his grandkids but a few times. How does a person deal with the blame that their father has put on them like that? As of the past couple of years I have decided I have no father. And just in the past six months I have finally accepted the fact that I do not need the blame, guilt or stress in my life that he has put me through, especially for my children’s sake. I don’t want them to grow up thinking it was THEIR fault that they didn’t get to see Grandpa, just like he did to me.
Yes, it is heartbreaking when my son asks me, “Mommy, who is my Grandpa?” and I simply have to say, “I don’t know.”
In my mind, I have no father.

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